_____________________year-end reflection
Thursday, December 28, 2006 ; 9:50 PM
DISCLAIMER: Entry unsuitable for all audiences. Only recommended to patient souls who are concerned/ bored enough to hear me rant.
(:the year end's coming. i can't believe year 2006 is almost over when the year still feels so fresh! and am starting to reflect on my life. it's scary how uncertain i am about the path i'm heading, how dark and gloomy it looks from where i stand, yet i see a peek of silver lining. the future's a blur to me.
i keep dwelling on the past and thinking of what-could-have-been. i keep asking myself why i hadn't pushed myself just a little harder on something, why i hadn't given more thought to a situation, why i didn't make another wiser decision, why i let the golden opportunity of ___(fill in the blanks) slip.
do i really know myself well? am i behaving to my fullest? is this all of me or am i simply putting on a facade?
who am i? what am i? what are my goals? what have i achieved? what are my strengths? what are my flaws? what is it that's missing in my life? what is it that's part of my life which i am not treasuring? what have i not moved on from the past? what am i like in the eyes of people? what's in store for me in the future?
there's so many questions but so few answers. life should be simple, yet why does it seem so complicated? or should i say, why do i make it sound so complicated? but there's so much for us to learn and remember through our journey, so much to laugh about, so much to cry about, so much to treasure, so much to accept, so much to hold on to, so much to let go of.
Life will always be unfulfilled for everyone in some ways or another, especially cos of our insatiable desires. Be it performing below expectations towards their goals, be it regretting from a hasty impulsive decision, be it receiving inadequate or no love from one you treasure alot, be it simply on bad luck, whatever. It all boils down to the same point; I doubt anyone can be fully satisfied in life.
How do people stay positive, then? guess they think of the good things they have in life and what they have that others don't. i'll have to say, the things that keep me going are definitely my friends, and probably partially, my family? they are the element of my happiness. they affect me, which in turns affects my perpective in life. but, on my own, i think i'm nothing. seems like i've no dreams nor goals, no strengths nor achievements. i feel so, so useless.
this year's probably one of my most enriching years which i've learnt the most lessons and values from. like they always say, "Remembering a past failure is one of the best ways to reach a new goal. Negative emotions associated with missed opportunities or a bad break-up reminds you of feelings you'd like to avoid this time round." so, definitely a year of pain and gain.
i really ought to set my new year resolutions soon.
xoxo -
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