_____________________forgive me.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005 ; 8:58 PM
I don't know what I said
But I didn't mean to hurt you ;
I heard the words come out
I felt that I would die
It hurt so much to hurt you ;
Then you look at me
You're not shouting anymore
You're silently broken ;
I'd give anything now
to kill those words for you ;
Each time I say something I regret
I cry "I don't want to lose you."
But somehow I know that
you will never leave me, yeah.
Cause you were made for me
Somehow I'll make you see
How happy you make me ;
I can't live this life
Without you by my side
I need you to survive ;
So stay with me
You look in my eyes and
I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.
And you forgive me again
You're my one true friend
And I never meant to hurt you.
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________SS sucks.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005 ; 8:10 PM
Beautiful dawn; melt with the stars again.
Do you remember the day when my journey began?
Will you remember the end of time?
Beautiful dawn; You're just blowing my mind again.
Thought I was born to endless night, until you shine.
High; running wild among all the stars above.
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me.
replies.
xinjie: replied in your blog. yeahhh. those innocent fun we had. haha, sure man. ask me out to mug soon!
glynis: yeahh.. good luck for your papers! i end on 22nd nov if i'm not wrong.
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________study session at parkway and serene ctr.. and FCBC!
Sunday, September 25, 2005 ; 9:29 PM
studied in macs at serene centre at bukit timah today with matthew and sheryl.. cos it was like in the middle of our both houses.. haha matthew was darn retarded i swear. and it was funny how sheryl and i kept trying to kajiao him. first we took his slipper and i threw it right next to the table of a group of EX-MGS girls and current acjcians i think. made him go over to retrieve it himself. wahahh. den we sent a msg on his phone to his own phone and changed his no to someone else's.. shan't go into details. it was funny la. looking at his lame face expressions and hearing sheryl cooing with laughter. hur. study was kinda alright. stupid matt made me and sheryl go the wrong direction to take bus, and we ended up walking so long and just missing the bus when we finally reached the bus stop! cabbed down to bishan and she went to meet her mom while i changed bus to meet family at serangoon gardens to eat sushi tei. yum!
something awkward happened there. i was early so i got 5 seats for my family first. studied by myself before they came. den family came, and there was this waiter who served us.. he was like around his 20s.. and my sis's bf realised his fly was undone! oh gosh. he was taking orders and it was weird cos his pants was black and his undies were white. ahha. so it's kinda obvious?! damn weird. so my sis's bf decided to go tell him. and he never came back to serve us or take our orders anymore. hah. he must've been too embarassed. gosh.
school as per usual tomorrow. prelim results gonna be out this week. doh..
I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help to fix myself
Your making me insane All I can say is
I tried to help you once
A kiss will only vise
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That your drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last dance
I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause your drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
You fix yourself
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
nice song! not referring to anyone. just has nice lyrics. (:
replies.
xinjie: yes! i miss those times when gf clan still existed. so funn. those innocent fun we had. and i remember how we bought alcohol and went your house or toi's house (i think) to drink. and you got so crazy you couldn't stop laughing! aww. those vivid memories. and the ecp outing which was supposed to be a class outing but turned out like a group outing or gf clan outing instead.. haha.. we should have a gathering. oh dear. ahha.
merelda: ahh yes. it was tough! i'm so dreading this week. anyway, we shouldn't be disheartened yet. we'll do much better for Os!(: studdyy.
glynis: yepp! :( so sad. hmmm. we'll go out after my Os! ahha. keep dragging. poo. lovee!
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________prelims OVER! STEVEN LIM the eyebrow plucker.
Friday, September 23, 2005 ; 9:46 PM
went town with toi yesterday for some little shopping. hoho. didn't have school because didn't have any papers that day.. and the next paper we have is science practical so there's nothing we could study anyways. bought a top from hula&co.. wanna get more of those, i like the cutting and colours. heh. that steven lim guy (sg idol underwear man!) approached me and toi to pluck eyesbrows again.. we were like nonono it's okay and he went, "okay nevermind, come back here later if you decide to. byebye cute girls!" goodness! anyway this makes the third time he's approached me. first with zell, den with jaslyn, now with toi. hmmmmm.
today was fun fun fun. started off the morning with phy/chem prac.. titration came out.. which was a total shock for us cus the pure chem girls got titration too, and it's quite strange we got it as well. physics was the pendulum thingy. all went well..
but fun only began in the afternoon. went ice skating at fuji ice palace with the peeps.. yep, all the way at jurong. nic, sheila, ninny, qi, sham, toi and i.. only nat and becky weren't there.. anyways, ahhh. i was the only one who couldn't ice skate properly! excluding toi.. cos at least she knows how to balance herself without holding onto anything much longer than i can! hmmm. tried to learn to iceskate la. with the help of the rest. and much laughter cos of how silly i look! fell once. lmao. I FELT LIKE BAMBI (that deer in disney channel who couldn't stand up properly with its legs without ending up slipping). nic said i looked like i was having fits when i was trying to balance myself and save myself from falling. boooohooooo. anyway it was real fun despite the fall and the scary slips. the ice was really slippery. at the end of the 2 hours, i managed to skate on my own for the maximum of maybe 10 seconds before almost falling. :( ahah. thanks to all for being so patient and encouraging. hur!
saw someone yesterday. i can't believe this is happening to me again. sigh. why! grrahhh. i almost wanted to blog an entry saying how much love isn't affecting me during this period, but i guess i'm wrong again.
reflection on the bus home. life always forces you to make sacrifices. you can't possibly have everything you wish for.
Ohh I wanna let you know
That I'll always love you baby
Sometimes I think about
Everything that we've been through
And I pray that you would jus open your eyes
I love you I need you
So please don't throw our love away
Since the day you and I snuck away to be alone
I knew from that night something special went on
It must have been the first kiss
You told me that no one else in the world made you feel this
I felt the same way too but nothing stays the same
I'm sorry for the tears I'm sorry for the pain
You were the one that always made things right
I promise you this though you got a friend for life
Maybe one day we can try it again
And maybe things can be a little different
So lets jus kiss and say goodbye
Cuz I really cant stand the pain of seeing you cry
I've given everything, I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me, you don't even notice me
I've given everything, I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me, you don't even notice me
All that's mine is yours that's what I said
Treat you with love and respect in everyway
You wanted I gave you need me I was there
Now you treat like if I'm not here
I love you and I need you don't wanna let go
If you want somebody else please let me know
Can't take it no more I feel in dying inside
Is this the price I pay for handing you my life?
I know I'm not prefect but I truly cared
So when you wake up one morning and I'm not there
Jus remember I loved you it will never be the same
Gave you everything and you threw it all away
I gave you my good and my bad
My heart and my soul,
My trust my money my time,
What more can you ask from a man
Even when times are hard
I held out my arms and held you
Even excepted you though whatever weather
But now I feel it we're at the end of the rope
Whatever we had now I gotta let go
Nights like this I wish raindrops would fall to cover my tears
Wishing I could replace all those wasted years
Of loving someone who couldn't love me back
And now again I gotta start from scratch
But I know I've given you my everything
replies.
kenny: no la the topic i talked about in the previous entry was applying to everyone generally.. yup.. :]
toi: mao mao i'll always love youu! i don't wanna be your prune! hmph.
sham: :)))) see i'm smilin! yeah. go out, to study! heh.
ninny: yo neenyehh. i'd also love to see your little perky cheeks and we'll compare who's has grown much bigger in the years.
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________treasure the ones you love.
Saturday, September 17, 2005 ; 9:39 PM
sad songs are giving me the drive to study right now. i don't know why. the more i hear them, the more i wanna study hard. yeah okay that sounds sadistic. anyway, i was listening to some lyrics of a heartbreak song today and i realised something. we sometimes blame a person whom we love that has hurt us, but fact is, we also sub-consciously hurt the people who love us. there's sure to be a group of people in our life whom we love, but don't love us; and a group who loves us, but we don't feel the same way for them.. think about it. people often complain (so do i) that the other party is a jerk/bitch for playing with them, and for walking out the door.. sometimes truth is, the person really did hold a torch for them, and they really had their eyes only on them.. but feelings just got lost for some reason, and it can't be helped.. they didn't expect this to happen anyway. and, we can't force love once it's gone. sometimes, the heartbreaker isn't the bad fella.. and they didn't choose things to go that way either. they had the same amount of hope and faith in the r/s just as much as the other party did, but some things just don't always go right.. it'd be even more selfish to go on deceiving each other when it has become a one-sided affair, and it'd be unfair for the other party if they keep lying through their teeth claiming they love them when it's total bullcrap.. yup! oh man okay yeahh. most importantly, we ought to cherish those who love us dearly cus erm, they love us. muahah.
school is ending soon for the sec 4s.. we're left with almost just one to two months together.. treasure the time left you have with your friends, while studying hard for the wicked Os.. haven't said this for quite some time, but it has always been so la! MAO KENG, NIC, HAZEL, SHEILA, NINNY, QI, SHAM, NAT AND BECKY! especially love yall like fucks. you guys make me :)))))).. and so do the rest who makes me smile with every little sweet things you guys do.
How do I live without you?
How could you walk away from this
just walk away from this again?..
replies.
anne: yeah okay. awww, i miss you too! yeah thanks. i'm finee! (: hope you are too.
van: heh, thanks. hope you're doing fine!
glynis: yep yep! love youu.
merelda: haha yeah! we'll mug like crazy shits and do well!
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________here by me.
Friday, September 16, 2005 ; 11:31 PM
Cause I'm not doing so good without you
The things I thought you'd never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood
So how could I have been so blind for all these years?
Guess I only see the truth through all this fear,
And living without you.
And everything I had in this world
And all that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.
I can't take another day without you
Cause baby, I could never make it on my own
I've been waiting so long, just to hold you
As the days grow long I see
That time is standing still for me
When you're not here
Sorry I can't always find the words to say
Everything I've ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love..
And everything I had in this world
And all that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.
awww... this song's supa sweet.... <3
anyway, my life for me's been reeaaallyy dull these few days. gosh. been studying every night and going home right after the papers everyday. how no life is that. i don't even have time to talk to anyone on the phone at night.. now i'm left with ssgeog, phy/chem paper 1 and a maths. hoho. bloody chem paper was tough, but i DID study! stupid tcher set so tough.. the rest were quite okay! anyways. will update soon. using dad's notebook again, comp's still not repaired! gahh. till then!
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________unwell ):
Friday, September 09, 2005 ; 9:28 PM
anyway, i've lost a stable 2kg! coolll huh. yuck, prelims are in 3 days.. i don't know whether to be sad that it's coming so soon, or to be happy that it also means it's ending so soon. either way, i'm not very prepared for it, well more prepared than the last prelims though!
replies.
glynis: thanks. you better tc too yeah. i love you too! (:
sham: muahhaha. don't have dengue, thankfully! :D thankyouu. study out soon.
anon: yupp. that's the only colour.. haha.
toi: thankyou mao keng. you just heard from me today. lol.
adeline: burrggeerr! haha cos he hid his head under the clothes at the shoulder there.. looks real aye? hur. yeah kinda lag.. but it's damn chio la. thankyou! i'll takecare!
cheryl: haha yeah man. you study hard too! sajc alright? lol. muah.
qi: thankyou neh neh. you must take care too!
van: hey babe you tc too! i use adobe to edit the colour contrast. (:
peishan: hawhaw. yeah! hmm. you study hard too! takecare!
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________awfully sick in j8 ):
Saturday, September 03, 2005 ; 8:38 PM
anyway, here i go again. argh. today's a sad day. :( went to study with sham at j8's cafe cartel at noon.. at first i woke up with some body aches, but i thought i was just tired and had not enough sleep. i ordered chicken and mushroom pasta and the thought of its taste makes me wanna vomit. no, it doesn't taste bad, just that i ain't feeling well already. at 1500, when we were studying, i felt more aches and felt really cold despite already wearing a jacket. sham and i couldn't concentrate, so we decided to walk around at j8 for awhile before going back to study.. my head felt hot and my body felt cold. anyways, there was this Star Idol thingy held there.. we checked it out and there was this long line of people queueing for the auditions.. something like the chinese version of sg idol, or project superstar you might say.
saw this guy who totally freaked everyone out! haha. i caught some shots of him.. they look like scenes from The Eye 10.
HEADLESS GHOST. yikes.
at 1600, i really couldn't take the cold anymore, and my body ached like hell. so i had to go home, and sham followed me back too. called mom and she fetched us back from the bus stop.. sorryy sham. :( we had to stop studying at j8 cos of me.. went home, and stoned on bed, while sham did her english. took my temperature and it was 39 DEGREES. sham could feel me radiating heat from my body please. i felt like an oven. managed to catch a few winks before dad sent me to the doctor and sham to the bus stop, at 1900.. doc said i've to watch out for rashes, cos it might be dengue fever. :((( said it was kinda common now and i'll have to go for a blood test if i spotted rash. ahhh! wth. what a time to get sick! my prelims is like next week! i'm supposed to use this time to be mugging for the prelims nowww.
sigh. hope i'll recover soon! darn immune system. must be too stressed, that's why immune system cannot work properly. mom's ill too. i'm burningg.
anyways, lim kee tiong sucks. we walked pass him on friday and he had a stack of pink forms on his hands. he caught me and went, "you, where's your name tag?" gahh! i have to be so unlucky laa. and i usually do bring my name tag, just that i forgot to that day. so got booked la. i hope my testimonials won't get affected. #@%*$!
anyway i need some rest now.. body's aching big time.
replies.
toi: haha yup i think so too. it's nicer than the adidas one. :D
glynis: haha darn. me too. my prelims start next week.. and here i am, unwell! >:( haha why shld i be jealous that you're in school! hah. take care..
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________study session at changi airport.
Thursday, September 01, 2005 ; 10:12 PM
okay i'm talking to some shit who's thinking he's a big fuck when he's not. yuck. guys and their big egos. argh. so pissin.
your words are poison.
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y