_____________________2005 resolutions.
Friday, December 31, 2004 ; 1:14 PM

2005 resolutions.
- improve on my weak subjects
- pay attention in class no matter how boring the lesson is.
- get into a JC after Os
- save more money!
- lose 3 kg!
- no quarrels with friends
- be a better person. :)

wells, today marks the last day of 2004. this year has not been quite a great year for me.. quarrelled with close friends, had to deal with effed up failed relationships and struggle with my studies.. through all these i've learnt many lessons and grown stronger and wiser. i'm not gonna choose to lose my friends just for some stupid reasons again, i'm gonna try to be a stronger person when dealing with r/s, and i'm gonna study really really hard and not be lazy anymore.

to my close friends, thanks for being there for me when i was down, when i needed company and when i felt low. :) to all my other friends out there, although i may not confide in you which does not mean i dont trust you, i'm the luckiest duck to know you guys! you all make me smile just by your presence and i dont think i could be any happier than to have friends like you guys! really.

let's hope 2005 would be a better year for everything.
xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________without a paddle!
Thursday, December 30, 2004 ; 10:42 AM

argh. my eyelids are still refusing to open. went out with bitch ytd.. went shopping! yay! maybe the last shopping outing before school reopens. walked around and watched without a paddle at 5.20pm.. funny show! :D

after that we went to far east.. and the steven guy (the stripper in sg idol auditions with the yellow undies!!) approached me again asking to pluck eyebrows! haha crazy fella. not the first time ah! he kept talking and bragging about how good his plucking skills are and all. -faints. anw, i bought a white polo tee i've been wanting to get!

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________indigestion. rahhh.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004 ; 7:08 PM

was having indigestion yesterday night. i swear that felt really awful! arghh. i don't know what caused it though. i didn't eat much at all. felt like puking all night. boo. and this morning i kept visiting the loo, once in every 5 minutes or so? :( but i'm okay now.
kept watching the news about the death toll in sri lanka and other places. those poor people losing their lives or their loved ones on christmas! we're so lucky we're blocked by indonesia. heh.

anyway the new year's coming! year 2005.. which also means the O levels for us. like .. WHAT? o levels? i'm not even prepared to take it. and yes. my new year resolutions.. am planning them now. and i'm determined to fulfil at least 3/4 of them. and next year, i'm gonna start studying like nobody's business and become a nerd. :) heh heh! sounds riduculous. but must try la! i will! :D

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________boxing dayy.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 ; 9:26 PM

happy boxing day! :) i ought to box some people.
i watched kung fu hustle!! that show is like darn crappy and lame? but it's very nice!! i enjoyed it overall!! haha.
nothing much happened today. went with dad and mom to macritchie in the morning for some treetop trial.. reached there like at 8 and they told us it opens at 9! grrr. we ended up just walking back. but it was a waaayy long walk la. about 3km or so. kinda boring. went for breakfast, den to the doctor. my cough hasn't gone away! :( but it's better already. after lunch we went to metro sales at expo! heh. the clothes are like almost discounted by 50%! bought alot. yay. den we went to ikea for lunch. ikea meatballs! damn nice. went back home and slept all the way till like an hour ago. lolz.

-get out, leave right now. it's the end of you and me. it's too late and i can't wait for you to be gone.



xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________christmas!
Friday, December 24, 2004 ; 10:23 PM

pizza, turkeys, ham. burpp!! merry xmas everyone!! :)

the next 3 things i gotta do.
-plan my new year resolutions. (definitely have alot.)
-go for shopping outing before school reopens.
-complete my amaths holiday homework! :(

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________someone's watching over me.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004 ; 10:28 PM

"I found myself today. Oh, I found myself and ran away. Something pulled me back, voice of reason I forgot I had. All I know is you're not here to stay, but you always used to say. But it's written in the sky tonight.. So I won't give up, no I won't break down. Sooner than it seems life turns around. And I will be strong, even if it all goes wrong. When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe, someone's watching over me. Seen that red light and it's shining on my destiny, shining all the time. And I won't be afraid to follow everywhere its taking me. All I know is yesterday is gone, and right now I belong, to this moment to my dreams. It doesn't matter what people say, it doesn't matter how long it takes. Believe in yourself and you'll find how, and it only matters how true you are. Be true to yourself and follow your heart. So I won't give up, no I won't break down, sooner than it seems life turns around. And I will be strong, even if it all goes wrong. When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe that I won't give up, no I won't break down. Sooner than it seems life turns around. And I will be strong, even when it all goes wrong. When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe that someone's watching over me.."

yeha. the blog's song. by hilary duff.

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________tuition and badminton.
Monday, December 20, 2004 ; 10:38 PM

hoho. met mich at ps before tuition.. she brought this friend along. met ben and kazaf coincidentally too.. wanted them to like join us in the lesson. went over to tuition but mr gabriel didn't wanna let them in. ahaha.

met twinnie pigeon after tuition to play badminton at hsh from 6 to 7. i just realized that i get down easily at night when i'm out. my sis has this same feeling a few years back.. there's just this lonely sad feeling.. like you just wanna cry or something without any reason. weeiiirrrdd. and oh yay! i mysteriously lost 2 kg. heheh. :D

you better stop, before you tear me all apart. you better stop, before you go and break my heart.

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________made ic!
Sunday, December 19, 2004 ; 10:18 PM

i just took my ic photo this morning and i look like crap! urggghhh! ate xiao long bao during lunch at a restaurant in j8. damn nice! anw, i bought another star necklace from perlini again. heh. cleared chad chan's cage. it's pretty neat and odour-free now, and she's a happy hamster. yay.
btw, there's an irritating fella tagging my board trying to impersonate ppl, so if you guys see rubbish tags, just ignore.

last night i took a walk in the snow, couples holding hands, places to go. seems like everyone but me is in love, santa can you hear me?

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________birthday!!
Saturday, December 18, 2004 ; 10:12 PM

i'm back, tired, still coughing, and on medication.
on a lighter note, i'm one happy bday girl today! happy bday to me.. -sings. i'm finally ... 15?! wadahell. i thought i've been 15 this whole year. shit.
my phone just kept beeping non-stop by 12.. thanks to toii, bestfriend, sham, nic, rae, bliss, sheila, adeline c, xinjie, michelle, mag, mark, jiahui, jaslyn, jo, regina, yaohui, germaine, jasmine, anne, sue, bestfriend's guy- chris, ruoling, glynis, ace, beryl, elaine, angela, nicholas, kenny, beatrice, ben, kazaf, eng keat, and others.. they really made my day! :) hope i din leave anyone out.
i woke up this morning finding toi, sham, nic and rae infront of me. O.O so embarassing cuz i was still in my pjs! hah. bf came after that and yeah had chicken (abit outta point but yes it's nice) and choc cheesecake (yumm). thanks for the presents too. now i can strike out another wish from my wishlist! i love you guys! :D

hope my cough goes away soon.
the old man with the fat belly is coming to town next week!

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________yay. swatch watch.
Thursday, December 16, 2004 ; 8:18 PM

this sound ironic, but i've been eating famous amos no-nut-chocolate-chip cookies (freshly baked somemore :D) this afternoon and i actually got back my voice and my throat feels better. haha.

met michie this afternoon earlier than usual and we took the long way to town for tuition. we told ourselves we were not gonna be late for class anymore. sat 156 to sji area and changed to 171 to heeren. we met this weird old man in the bus 156.. he was sitting infront of us and kept turning behind to smile at us. at first i was thinking, nah, maybe he was just trying to be friendly. but he kept turning back to smile, not just with a normal harmless smile but with a very "heh heh heh!" type of smile, for at least 10 times and that kinda freaked us out. gosh.

godma gave me hundred bucks for me to spend as a bday present and i bought my stripes swatch watch in heeren which i was eyeing yesterday! weee!!! we headed down to ezone at cine and played till we lost track of time and were late again! the worse thing was it was raining so heavily so we were soaked to our skin.

mr gabriel said me and mich can join the laughing club.. cuz we kept laughing during class.. all thanks to mich for making me laugh with her laughter..

i want to watch spongebob squarepants the movie! it's coming soon! yay.

but I can't forget you, can't break free. i only have myself to blame, nothing feels the same without you. can't you see? we can find tomorrow what we lost yesterday.. what we lost yesterday..

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________tuition again.
Wednesday, December 15, 2004 ; 9:07 PM

went for the tuition course again. i was late as usual! ahh. x] embarassing lah. after lesson mich and i walked down to meridien hotel's food court to have their dessert! haven't eaten that for sucha long time. oh how i've missed it! anyway, my throat's a little better though the cough won't go away. :( i gotta watch without a paddle soon! heard its real funny..

i lie awake at night, see things in black and white. i've only got you inside my mind, you know you have made me blind.

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________i'll never get over you getting over me.
; 2:17 PM

(song playing)

"I hear you're taking the town again, having a good time with all your good time friends. i don't think that you think of me, you're on your own now, and i'm alone and free. i know that i should get on with my life, but a life lived without you could never be right.. as long as the stars shine down from the heavens, long as the rivers run to the sea. i'll never get over you getting over me.. i try to smile so the hurt won't show, tell everybody i was glad to see you go. but the tears just won't go away, loneliness found me, looks like it's here to stay. i know that i oughta find someone new, but all i find is myself always thinking of you. oh, no matter what i do spending a lifetime to live through, i can't go on like this. i need your touch, you're the only one i've ever loved. i'll never get over you getting over, i'll never get over you getting over me...

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________blade trinity and national treasure.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004 ; 10:22 PM

coughs-. i can't stop coughing. boohoo. i so sound like a frog.

okay i just came back. i watched two movies today! hah. Blade Trinity and National Treasure. yeah, all the action pac shows. met jh at noon to catch blade first. wahah. as usual la, at lido.. the easiest place to sneak to nc16. it's quite nice. very action la.. blood here and there.. and alot of the word "dick" used. darn funny. the other guy actor's so cuteee! and the actress is really pretty.

then met michelle and we went for the caraven crash course. there were only 3 ppl attending the course! me, mich and another guy. whoa. -.- but good la, we can have the teacher all to ourselves. and heard he's some big shot man. he's one of those ppl in singapore who decides the physics syllabus. ha.

after that, went to walk around town with mich.. bought my silver necklace chain and ear rings. lol.. then met dad and mom in the evening to catch national treasure. it's exciting!

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
Sunday, December 12, 2004 ; 10:13 PM

i bought a pair of nike shoes at queensway today. :) weeee.. just came home from united square. had buffet dinner at this place called vienna. it's so cool! haha. :) anyway, guess im gonna cut my hair tmr. sister has this 15% discount at reds hairdressing! i wanna try.. but i dont know if theyre gonna cut my hair to some really short thang cuz i dont think i suit those type of hairstyles. hmmm. should i take the risk to go there or stay with my old salon? i still don't know..
anyway, my throat's getting worse! i can bearly talk! ahha. i was asking this guy for some stuffs in queensway just now and he was like huh? what? hah. i sound like an off-tuned hyena or something. even nic who heard my voice just now was freaked out with my laughter. she said i sounded like the devil in exorcist. man!

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
Saturday, December 11, 2004 ; 9:51 PM

oh yeah. feeling much better today. fever's gone, flu's almost gone, but still having cough. went town with nic today.. it was raining when we got there! so first we went to shop for nic's belt. wanted to go to wheelock to head over to pacific plaza to look ard, but ended up detouring back to far east by the underground tunnel cuz of the rain. nic bought her belt from roxy at pacific plaza, and i bought a quiksilver wallet from there too. love it man! i've finally found one which can put my digicam in too! :)

we headed down to lido. wanted to catch a movie but all the time slots weren't proper. so we decided not to watch, and went to suntec. nic got her bracelet in citylink on the way there too. and she bought a cutteee hamster in a pet shop in suntec! and i bought an add-on tunnel house for chad chan. i was trying to fit it in the cage but it wouldn't! the tunnel was too small. grrr. to think i even asked the shop owners if it would fit, and i was having doubts about it.. kept asking them.. cuz it didn't looked like it could fit in my cage.. i even showed them which cage i have, cuz it was on sale in their shop too.. and the guy acted like mr know-it-all, said, "yes.. it can fit. trust me. i've fixed alot of cages before.." grrr. mr know-nothing-at-all.

(the song playing. nice.)
"I couldn't tell you why she felt that way, she felt it everyday. I couldn't help her, I just watched her make the same mistakes again. What's wrong what's wrong now? Too many too many problems, don't know where she belongs, where she belongs. She wants to go home, but nobody's home. That's where she lies broken inside. With no place to go, no place to go, to dry her eyes, broken inside. Open your eyes and look outside. Find the reasons why you've been rejected. Now you can't find what you've left behind. Be strong be strong now, too many too many problems. Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs. Her feelings she hides, her dreams she can't find. She's losing her mind, she's falling behind. She can't can't find her place, she's losing her faith, she's falling from grace, she's all over the place, yeah. She wants to go home, but nobody's home. That's where she lies broken inside. With no place to go, no place to go, to dry her eyes, broken inside. She's lost inside, lost inside, she's lost inside, lost inside.."

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
; 10:10 AM

(eddie meets his third person, ruby. he had always hated his father for mistreating him, and for not giving him enough care and encouragement as his father. but later he learnt from ruby that his father's old friend, mickey, had been drinking too much because he had lost his job, and he was about to rape eddie's mom. his father saw it and was really angry, chasing after mickey, who ran away upon seeing him. he held a hammer in his hand and attempted to kill him. mickey then fell into the sea because of his drunkness, and eddie's father decided to save him instead, out of loyalty.)

"what was he doing?" eddie whispered.
"saving a friend," ruby said.
eddie glared at her. "some friend. if i'd have known what he did, i'd have let his drunken hide drown."
"your father thought about that, too," the old woman said. "he had chased after mickey to hurt him, perhaps even to kill him. but in the end, he couldn't. he knew who mickey was. he knew his shortcomings. he knew he drank. he knew his judgement faltered."
"many years earlier, when your father was looking for work, it was mickey who went to the pier owner and vouched for him. when you were born, it was mickey who lent your parents what little money he had to help pay for the extra mouth to feed. your father took old friendships seriously-"
"hold on, lady," eddie snapped. "did you see what that bastard was doing with my mother?"
"i did," the old woman said sadly. "it was wrong. but things are not always what they seem."
"mickey had been fired that afternoon. he'd slept through another shift, too drunk to wake up. he handled the news as he handled all bad news, by drinking more, and he was thick with whiskey by the time he reached your mother. he was begging for help. he wanted the job back. your father was working late. your mother was going to take mickey to him."
"mickey was coarse, but he was not evil. at that moment, he was lost, adrift, and what he did was an act of impulse. your father acted on impulse, too, and while his first impulse was to kill, his final impulse was to keep a man alive."

(because eddie's father was at his fifties and he did not have a healthy heart, his heart weakened from saving mickey and pneumonia took hold of him in time.)

"sometimes during the night in the hospital, your father awakened. he rose from his bed, staggered across the room, and found the strength to raise the window sash. he called your mother's name with what little voice he had, and he called yours, too, and your brother, Joe. and he called for mickey. at that moment, it seemed, his heart was spilling out, all the guilt and regret. perhaps he felt the light of death approaching. perhaps he only knew you were all out there somewhere, in the streets beneath his window. he bent over the ledge. the night was chilly. the wind and damp, in his state, were too much. he was dead before dawn."

ruby stepped toward him. "edward," she said softly. it was the first time she had called him by name. "learn this from me. holding anger is a poison. it eats you from inside. we think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. but hatred is a curved blade. and the harm we do, we do to ourselves."
"forgive, edward. forgive. do you remember the lightness you felt when you first arrived in heaven?"
eddie did. where is my pain?
"that's because no one is born with anger. and when we die, the soul is freed of it. but now, here, in order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did, and why you no longer need to feel it."
she touched his hand.
"you need to forgive your father."

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
Thursday, December 09, 2004 ; 9:45 PM

i feel like crap. just went to the doctor.. temperature's getting higher. and the doctor says my flu is quite contagious. :(

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
; 1:38 PM

i read the book again and again. and came across two other inspiring parts!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(eddie meets his second person in heaven. his captain in war. in war, his captain had shot eddie's leg in order for him to survive, and he lost his leg. his captain on the other hand, sacrificed his life for the soldiers. he walked ahead to ensure there were no dangers, and ended up stepping on a land mine.)

"sacrifice," the captain said. "you made one. i made one. we all make them. but you were angry with yours. you kept thinking about what you lost."
"you didn't get it. sacrifice is a part of life. it's supposed to be. it's not something to regret. it's something to aspire to. little sacrifices. big sacrifices. a mother works so her son can go to school. a daughter moves home to take care of her sick father. a man goes to war..."
"i didn't die for nothing. that night, we might have all driven over that land mine. then the four of us would have been gone."
eddie shook his head. "but you..." he lowered his voice. "you lost your life."
the captain smacked his tongue on his teeth. "that's the thing. sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you're not really losing it. you're just passing it on to someone else."
"i shot you, all right," he said, "and you lost something, but you gained something as well. you just don't know it yet. i gained something, too."
"what?"
"i got to keep my promise. i didn't leave you behind."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(eddie meets his fourth person in heaven, marguerite, his wife, who left him when she was 47, having a brain tumour.)

"you had to live without love for many years, didn't you?"
eddie said nothing.
"you felt that it was snatched away, that i left you too soon."
he lowered himself slowly. her lavender dress was spread before him.
"you did leave me too soon," he said.
"you were angry with me."
"no."
her eyes flashed.
"ok. yes."
"there was a reason to it all," she said.
"what reason?" he said. "how could there be a reason? you died. you were forty-seven. you were the best person any of us knew, and you died and you lost everything. and i lost everything. i lost the only woman i ever loved."
she took his hands. "no, you didn't. i was right here. and you loved me anyway.
"lost love is still love, eddie. it takes a different form, that's all. you can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. but when those sense weaken, another heightens. memory. memory becomes your partner. you nuture it. you hold it. you dance with it."
"life has to end," she said. "love doesn't."


xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
; 1:16 PM

i feel horrible. had flu a few days ago, then sore throat last night, then now, fever. great. postponed the outing with nic. ahh. i'm aching everywhere. :( i feel a sting in my throat whenever i swallow something. i can't breathe properly without the help of my mouth. yes i know.. i'm complaining.. hah.. feel like a camel or some horse. i've been drinking gallons of water since morning and visiting the loo every 10 mins! and i've lost my appetite. but the good thing is i lost 2 kg too. hah.

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
Wednesday, December 08, 2004 ; 6:01 PM

The five people you meet in heaven. great book. i was looking through it again and again.. quoted this whole chapter. it's inspirational and touching, really.


(eddie goes to heaven and meets his first person, the blue man.)

"Take a rainy sunday morning in july, in the late 1920s, on eddie's 7th birthday. take a moment when eddie's playing baseball and that ball flies over Eddie's head and out into the street. eddie, wearing tawny pants and a wool cap, chases after it, and runs in front of an automobile, a ford model A. the car screeches, veers, and just misses him. he shivers, exhales, gets the ball, and races back to his friends. the game soon ends and the children run to the arcade to play the erie digger machine, with its claw-like mechanism that picks up small toys.

now take that same story from a different angle. a man is behind the wheel of ford model A, which he has borrowed from a friend to practise his driving. the road is wet from the morning rain. suddenly, a baseball bounces across the street, and a boy comes racing after it. the driver slams on the brakes and yanks the wheel. the car skids, the tires screech.

the man somehow regains control, and the model A rolls on. the child has disappeared in the rearview mirror, but the man's body is still affected, thinking of how close he came to tragedy. the jolt of adrenaline has forced his heart to pump furiously and this heart is not a strong one and the pumping leaves him drained. the man feels dizzy and his head drops momentarily. his automobile nearly collides with another. the second driverhonks, the man veers again, spinning the wheel, pushing on the brake pedal. he skids along an avenue then turns down an alley. the impact smacks the man into the steering wheel. his forehead bleeds. he steps from the model A, sees the damage, then collapses onto the wet pavement. it is sunday morning, he alley is empty. he remains there, unnoticed, slumped against the side of the car.

take one story, viewed from two different angles. it is the same day, the same moment, but one angle ends happily, and the other ends badly. (the one who died in the car accident was the blue man.)

"please mister.." eddie pleaded. "i didn't know. believe me.. God help me, i didn't know."
the blue man nodded. "you couldn't know, you were too young."
eddie stepped back. he squared his body as if bracing for a fight.
"but now i gotta pay," he said.
"to pay?"
"for my sin. that's why i'm here, right? justice?"
the blue man smiled. "no, edward. you are here so i can teach you something. all the people you meet here have one thing to teach you."
eddie was skeptical. his fists stayed clenched.
"what?" he said.
"that there are no random acts. that we are all connected. that you can no more separate one life from another than you can separate a breeze from the wind."
eddie shook his head. "we were throwing a ball. it was my stupidity, running out there like that. why should you have to die on account for me? it ain't fair."
the blue man held out his hand. "fairness," he said, "does not govern life and death. if it did, no good person would ever die young."
"my funeral," the blue man said. "look at the mourners. some did not even know me well, yet they came. why? did you ever wonder? why people gather when others die? why people feel they should?"
"it is because the human spirit knows, deep down, that all lives intersect, that death doesn't just take someone, it misses someone else, and in the small distance between being taken and being missed, lives are changed."
"you say you should have died instead of me. but during my time on earth, people die instead of me, too. it happens every day. when lightning strikes a minute after you are gone, or an airplane crashes that you might have been on. when you colleague falls ill and you do not. we think such things are random. but there is a balance to it all. one withers, another grows. birth and death are part of a whole."
"i still don't understand.." eddie whispered. "what good came from your death?"
"you lived," the blue man answered.
"but we barely know each other. i might as well have been a stranger."
the blue man put his arms on eddie's shoulders. "strangers," the blue man said, "are just family you have yet to come to know."
"no life is a waste," the blue man said. "the only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone."


which is just so true. i just felt really inspired after reading that chapter.. now i know i shouldn't waste my time thinking i'm alone. :) alright my hand's aching after all the typing.

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
Tuesday, December 07, 2004 ; 1:06 PM

the weather's so chilly these few days. mann. and i think my sister's passed me her flu. oh great. this holiday is especially boring, and i think i know why. sigh.

"I'm tired of being what you want me to be, feeling so faithless, lost under the surface. Don't know what you're expecting of me, put under the pressure of walking in your shoes.. Every step that I take is another mistake to you.. I've become so numb I can't feel you there, I've become so tired so much more aware. I'm becoming this all I want to do is be more like me and be less like you.. Can't you see that you're smothering me, holding too tightly afraid to lose control? Cause everything that you thought I would be has fallen apart right in front of you.. And I know I may end up failing too, but I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you.."

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
Monday, December 06, 2004 ; 8:59 PM

went out with bestfriend yesterday to get her anni present for her guy. went shopping with my sister today.. how tiring! oh yes. there's this super cute eye-candy working in WH at great world city! mann. he joked around with me when i was returning him the clothes i've tried and i was like ohhh mannn sheesh sheesh sheesh!! x) hahaha. i should go to great world city more often. =X okay i know i know, i'm crazy. but he's real cute. he just has this manly attractive look!

(uploaded pictures. 051204.)

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
Saturday, December 04, 2004 ; 1:57 PM

oh great. due to last night's binge, i suffered indigestion. couldn't sleep properly cos i had the urge to puke out everything i ate. nothing seemed to digest after 4 hours since the binge! hah. but i'm fine now. though i've lost my appetite on everything. i'm still feeling so full when i havent eaten anything since morning (which is something that doesn't happen every other day).

had a weird dream last night. i dreamt that mr chan was leaving and wasn't gonna teach us anymore. and he made us answer a number of questions according to index numbers. i don't know what's the link between him leaving us and we answering questions - but oh nevermind. so abigail started first and the only question i remembered him asking in the dream was "do you like eating fish and chicken?" hahaha. like wadahell. what a crazy dream. my dreams always don't make sense!

anyway, i loveeee the song playing on the blog! :)

"Who makes the sun light up my shadows when the darkness tries to follow me? Who makes the air that brings me life so I can breathe the love that's given to me? You make everything good, everything wonderful. You grace my days and heaven fills my view. Let's forever sing. You make everything pure, everything beautiful, you make me see the only thing that's true... It's You.. It's You. Who makes the waters of my sorrow part and leads the gladness into my heart? Who makes the rivers run that wash away and clean my soul to make a new start? You make everything good, everything wonderful. You grace my days and heaven fills my view. Let's forever sing. You make everything pure, everything beautiful, you make me see the only thing that's true... It's You. You hung the moon; You placed the stars that shine your love for me. I hope all that I do will show reflections of you. All I do, all for you, shine your love through me. You make everything good, everything wonderful. You grace my days and heaven fills my view. Let's forever sing. You make everything pure, everything beautiful, you make me see the only thing that's true... It's You.. it's You.. it's You. You're everything pure and beautiful."

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________malaysia.
Friday, December 03, 2004 ; 10:55 PM

oh i just love the song playing on the blog.. by ashlee simpson - again. i just love her songs! dad drove us all to malaysia today. went to this big shopping mall and shopped for the whole afternoon. there weren't much nice things there compared to singapore though.. me and my sister realized that singapore's clothes are actually much .. nicer. and you can just faint seeing how the teens in malaysia dress. it's so common to see girls wearing boots and hotpink polkadots top with some awful looking long skirt.. my mom, sister, and i were having a hell good time laughing at them. okay, i know it's bad. bought a collar stripes top from u2. love it!

after the trip we went back to singapore. we headed to great world city and wanted to catch the movie Alexander but it was m18!! there were no other nice movies there so we had to go over to plaza sing. caught After the sunset instead. luckily it wasn't as bad as Before Sunset, that artsy film! and to think my sister actually told me that film was rated 5/5! i'd rate it 0/5! sheesh. anyway, back to that movie, it was awesome! wasn't looking forward to it until i watched it. funny and thrilling.

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
Thursday, December 02, 2004 ; 10:10 AM

"Everytime I try to make you smile, you're always feeling sorry for yourself. Everytime I try to make you laugh, you can't, you're too tough, you think you're loveless. Is that too much that I'm asking for? I thought you'd come around when I ignored you, so I thought you'd have the decency to change. But babe, I guess you didn't take that warning, cause I'm not about to look at your face again. Can't you see that you lie to yourself? You can't see the world through a mirror. It wont be too late when the smoke clears, cause I, I am still here. But everytime I try to make you smile, you'd always grow up feeling sorry for yourself.. Everytime I try to make you laugh, you stand like a stone, alone in your zone. Is it too much that I'm asking for? Can't find where i am, lying here alone I fear. Afraid of the dark, no one to claim, alone again."
-too much to ask, avril lavigne.

hohoho. i need a haircut badly.. most prob going malaysia tmr for shopping. yay! psst. taufik rocks!

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________TAUFIK!
Wednesday, December 01, 2004 ; 10:55 PM

OH YAY! OUR SG IDOL ROCKS!!! my 15 votes paid off after all! :)

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
; 2:38 PM

VOTE FOR TAUFIK TONIGHT!!

(uploaded images. My hamster.)

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________2005 resolutions.
Friday, December 31, 2004 ; 1:14 PM

2005 resolutions.
- improve on my weak subjects
- pay attention in class no matter how boring the lesson is.
- get into a JC after Os
- save more money!
- lose 3 kg!
- no quarrels with friends
- be a better person. :)

wells, today marks the last day of 2004. this year has not been quite a great year for me.. quarrelled with close friends, had to deal with effed up failed relationships and struggle with my studies.. through all these i've learnt many lessons and grown stronger and wiser. i'm not gonna choose to lose my friends just for some stupid reasons again, i'm gonna try to be a stronger person when dealing with r/s, and i'm gonna study really really hard and not be lazy anymore.

to my close friends, thanks for being there for me when i was down, when i needed company and when i felt low. :) to all my other friends out there, although i may not confide in you which does not mean i dont trust you, i'm the luckiest duck to know you guys! you all make me smile just by your presence and i dont think i could be any happier than to have friends like you guys! really.

let's hope 2005 would be a better year for everything.
xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________without a paddle!
Thursday, December 30, 2004 ; 10:42 AM

argh. my eyelids are still refusing to open. went out with bitch ytd.. went shopping! yay! maybe the last shopping outing before school reopens. walked around and watched without a paddle at 5.20pm.. funny show! :D

after that we went to far east.. and the steven guy (the stripper in sg idol auditions with the yellow undies!!) approached me again asking to pluck eyebrows! haha crazy fella. not the first time ah! he kept talking and bragging about how good his plucking skills are and all. -faints. anw, i bought a white polo tee i've been wanting to get!

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________indigestion. rahhh.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004 ; 7:08 PM

was having indigestion yesterday night. i swear that felt really awful! arghh. i don't know what caused it though. i didn't eat much at all. felt like puking all night. boo. and this morning i kept visiting the loo, once in every 5 minutes or so? :( but i'm okay now.
kept watching the news about the death toll in sri lanka and other places. those poor people losing their lives or their loved ones on christmas! we're so lucky we're blocked by indonesia. heh.

anyway the new year's coming! year 2005.. which also means the O levels for us. like .. WHAT? o levels? i'm not even prepared to take it. and yes. my new year resolutions.. am planning them now. and i'm determined to fulfil at least 3/4 of them. and next year, i'm gonna start studying like nobody's business and become a nerd. :) heh heh! sounds riduculous. but must try la! i will! :D

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________boxing dayy.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 ; 9:26 PM

happy boxing day! :) i ought to box some people.
i watched kung fu hustle!! that show is like darn crappy and lame? but it's very nice!! i enjoyed it overall!! haha.
nothing much happened today. went with dad and mom to macritchie in the morning for some treetop trial.. reached there like at 8 and they told us it opens at 9! grrr. we ended up just walking back. but it was a waaayy long walk la. about 3km or so. kinda boring. went for breakfast, den to the doctor. my cough hasn't gone away! :( but it's better already. after lunch we went to metro sales at expo! heh. the clothes are like almost discounted by 50%! bought alot. yay. den we went to ikea for lunch. ikea meatballs! damn nice. went back home and slept all the way till like an hour ago. lolz.

-get out, leave right now. it's the end of you and me. it's too late and i can't wait for you to be gone.



xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________christmas!
Friday, December 24, 2004 ; 10:23 PM

pizza, turkeys, ham. burpp!! merry xmas everyone!! :)

the next 3 things i gotta do.
-plan my new year resolutions. (definitely have alot.)
-go for shopping outing before school reopens.
-complete my amaths holiday homework! :(

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________someone's watching over me.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004 ; 10:28 PM

"I found myself today. Oh, I found myself and ran away. Something pulled me back, voice of reason I forgot I had. All I know is you're not here to stay, but you always used to say. But it's written in the sky tonight.. So I won't give up, no I won't break down. Sooner than it seems life turns around. And I will be strong, even if it all goes wrong. When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe, someone's watching over me. Seen that red light and it's shining on my destiny, shining all the time. And I won't be afraid to follow everywhere its taking me. All I know is yesterday is gone, and right now I belong, to this moment to my dreams. It doesn't matter what people say, it doesn't matter how long it takes. Believe in yourself and you'll find how, and it only matters how true you are. Be true to yourself and follow your heart. So I won't give up, no I won't break down, sooner than it seems life turns around. And I will be strong, even if it all goes wrong. When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe that I won't give up, no I won't break down. Sooner than it seems life turns around. And I will be strong, even when it all goes wrong. When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe that someone's watching over me.."

yeha. the blog's song. by hilary duff.

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________tuition and badminton.
Monday, December 20, 2004 ; 10:38 PM

hoho. met mich at ps before tuition.. she brought this friend along. met ben and kazaf coincidentally too.. wanted them to like join us in the lesson. went over to tuition but mr gabriel didn't wanna let them in. ahaha.

met twinnie pigeon after tuition to play badminton at hsh from 6 to 7. i just realized that i get down easily at night when i'm out. my sis has this same feeling a few years back.. there's just this lonely sad feeling.. like you just wanna cry or something without any reason. weeiiirrrdd. and oh yay! i mysteriously lost 2 kg. heheh. :D

you better stop, before you tear me all apart. you better stop, before you go and break my heart.

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________made ic!
Sunday, December 19, 2004 ; 10:18 PM

i just took my ic photo this morning and i look like crap! urggghhh! ate xiao long bao during lunch at a restaurant in j8. damn nice! anw, i bought another star necklace from perlini again. heh. cleared chad chan's cage. it's pretty neat and odour-free now, and she's a happy hamster. yay.
btw, there's an irritating fella tagging my board trying to impersonate ppl, so if you guys see rubbish tags, just ignore.

last night i took a walk in the snow, couples holding hands, places to go. seems like everyone but me is in love, santa can you hear me?

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________birthday!!
Saturday, December 18, 2004 ; 10:12 PM

i'm back, tired, still coughing, and on medication.
on a lighter note, i'm one happy bday girl today! happy bday to me.. -sings. i'm finally ... 15?! wadahell. i thought i've been 15 this whole year. shit.
my phone just kept beeping non-stop by 12.. thanks to toii, bestfriend, sham, nic, rae, bliss, sheila, adeline c, xinjie, michelle, mag, mark, jiahui, jaslyn, jo, regina, yaohui, germaine, jasmine, anne, sue, bestfriend's guy- chris, ruoling, glynis, ace, beryl, elaine, angela, nicholas, kenny, beatrice, ben, kazaf, eng keat, and others.. they really made my day! :) hope i din leave anyone out.
i woke up this morning finding toi, sham, nic and rae infront of me. O.O so embarassing cuz i was still in my pjs! hah. bf came after that and yeah had chicken (abit outta point but yes it's nice) and choc cheesecake (yumm). thanks for the presents too. now i can strike out another wish from my wishlist! i love you guys! :D

hope my cough goes away soon.
the old man with the fat belly is coming to town next week!

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________yay. swatch watch.
Thursday, December 16, 2004 ; 8:18 PM

this sound ironic, but i've been eating famous amos no-nut-chocolate-chip cookies (freshly baked somemore :D) this afternoon and i actually got back my voice and my throat feels better. haha.

met michie this afternoon earlier than usual and we took the long way to town for tuition. we told ourselves we were not gonna be late for class anymore. sat 156 to sji area and changed to 171 to heeren. we met this weird old man in the bus 156.. he was sitting infront of us and kept turning behind to smile at us. at first i was thinking, nah, maybe he was just trying to be friendly. but he kept turning back to smile, not just with a normal harmless smile but with a very "heh heh heh!" type of smile, for at least 10 times and that kinda freaked us out. gosh.

godma gave me hundred bucks for me to spend as a bday present and i bought my stripes swatch watch in heeren which i was eyeing yesterday! weee!!! we headed down to ezone at cine and played till we lost track of time and were late again! the worse thing was it was raining so heavily so we were soaked to our skin.

mr gabriel said me and mich can join the laughing club.. cuz we kept laughing during class.. all thanks to mich for making me laugh with her laughter..

i want to watch spongebob squarepants the movie! it's coming soon! yay.

but I can't forget you, can't break free. i only have myself to blame, nothing feels the same without you. can't you see? we can find tomorrow what we lost yesterday.. what we lost yesterday..

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________tuition again.
Wednesday, December 15, 2004 ; 9:07 PM

went for the tuition course again. i was late as usual! ahh. x] embarassing lah. after lesson mich and i walked down to meridien hotel's food court to have their dessert! haven't eaten that for sucha long time. oh how i've missed it! anyway, my throat's a little better though the cough won't go away. :( i gotta watch without a paddle soon! heard its real funny..

i lie awake at night, see things in black and white. i've only got you inside my mind, you know you have made me blind.

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________i'll never get over you getting over me.
; 2:17 PM

(song playing)

"I hear you're taking the town again, having a good time with all your good time friends. i don't think that you think of me, you're on your own now, and i'm alone and free. i know that i should get on with my life, but a life lived without you could never be right.. as long as the stars shine down from the heavens, long as the rivers run to the sea. i'll never get over you getting over me.. i try to smile so the hurt won't show, tell everybody i was glad to see you go. but the tears just won't go away, loneliness found me, looks like it's here to stay. i know that i oughta find someone new, but all i find is myself always thinking of you. oh, no matter what i do spending a lifetime to live through, i can't go on like this. i need your touch, you're the only one i've ever loved. i'll never get over you getting over, i'll never get over you getting over me...

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________blade trinity and national treasure.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004 ; 10:22 PM

coughs-. i can't stop coughing. boohoo. i so sound like a frog.

okay i just came back. i watched two movies today! hah. Blade Trinity and National Treasure. yeah, all the action pac shows. met jh at noon to catch blade first. wahah. as usual la, at lido.. the easiest place to sneak to nc16. it's quite nice. very action la.. blood here and there.. and alot of the word "dick" used. darn funny. the other guy actor's so cuteee! and the actress is really pretty.

then met michelle and we went for the caraven crash course. there were only 3 ppl attending the course! me, mich and another guy. whoa. -.- but good la, we can have the teacher all to ourselves. and heard he's some big shot man. he's one of those ppl in singapore who decides the physics syllabus. ha.

after that, went to walk around town with mich.. bought my silver necklace chain and ear rings. lol.. then met dad and mom in the evening to catch national treasure. it's exciting!

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
Sunday, December 12, 2004 ; 10:13 PM

i bought a pair of nike shoes at queensway today. :) weeee.. just came home from united square. had buffet dinner at this place called vienna. it's so cool! haha. :) anyway, guess im gonna cut my hair tmr. sister has this 15% discount at reds hairdressing! i wanna try.. but i dont know if theyre gonna cut my hair to some really short thang cuz i dont think i suit those type of hairstyles. hmmm. should i take the risk to go there or stay with my old salon? i still don't know..
anyway, my throat's getting worse! i can bearly talk! ahha. i was asking this guy for some stuffs in queensway just now and he was like huh? what? hah. i sound like an off-tuned hyena or something. even nic who heard my voice just now was freaked out with my laughter. she said i sounded like the devil in exorcist. man!

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
Saturday, December 11, 2004 ; 9:51 PM

oh yeah. feeling much better today. fever's gone, flu's almost gone, but still having cough. went town with nic today.. it was raining when we got there! so first we went to shop for nic's belt. wanted to go to wheelock to head over to pacific plaza to look ard, but ended up detouring back to far east by the underground tunnel cuz of the rain. nic bought her belt from roxy at pacific plaza, and i bought a quiksilver wallet from there too. love it man! i've finally found one which can put my digicam in too! :)

we headed down to lido. wanted to catch a movie but all the time slots weren't proper. so we decided not to watch, and went to suntec. nic got her bracelet in citylink on the way there too. and she bought a cutteee hamster in a pet shop in suntec! and i bought an add-on tunnel house for chad chan. i was trying to fit it in the cage but it wouldn't! the tunnel was too small. grrr. to think i even asked the shop owners if it would fit, and i was having doubts about it.. kept asking them.. cuz it didn't looked like it could fit in my cage.. i even showed them which cage i have, cuz it was on sale in their shop too.. and the guy acted like mr know-it-all, said, "yes.. it can fit. trust me. i've fixed alot of cages before.." grrr. mr know-nothing-at-all.

(the song playing. nice.)
"I couldn't tell you why she felt that way, she felt it everyday. I couldn't help her, I just watched her make the same mistakes again. What's wrong what's wrong now? Too many too many problems, don't know where she belongs, where she belongs. She wants to go home, but nobody's home. That's where she lies broken inside. With no place to go, no place to go, to dry her eyes, broken inside. Open your eyes and look outside. Find the reasons why you've been rejected. Now you can't find what you've left behind. Be strong be strong now, too many too many problems. Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs. Her feelings she hides, her dreams she can't find. She's losing her mind, she's falling behind. She can't can't find her place, she's losing her faith, she's falling from grace, she's all over the place, yeah. She wants to go home, but nobody's home. That's where she lies broken inside. With no place to go, no place to go, to dry her eyes, broken inside. She's lost inside, lost inside, she's lost inside, lost inside.."

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
; 10:10 AM

(eddie meets his third person, ruby. he had always hated his father for mistreating him, and for not giving him enough care and encouragement as his father. but later he learnt from ruby that his father's old friend, mickey, had been drinking too much because he had lost his job, and he was about to rape eddie's mom. his father saw it and was really angry, chasing after mickey, who ran away upon seeing him. he held a hammer in his hand and attempted to kill him. mickey then fell into the sea because of his drunkness, and eddie's father decided to save him instead, out of loyalty.)

"what was he doing?" eddie whispered.
"saving a friend," ruby said.
eddie glared at her. "some friend. if i'd have known what he did, i'd have let his drunken hide drown."
"your father thought about that, too," the old woman said. "he had chased after mickey to hurt him, perhaps even to kill him. but in the end, he couldn't. he knew who mickey was. he knew his shortcomings. he knew he drank. he knew his judgement faltered."
"many years earlier, when your father was looking for work, it was mickey who went to the pier owner and vouched for him. when you were born, it was mickey who lent your parents what little money he had to help pay for the extra mouth to feed. your father took old friendships seriously-"
"hold on, lady," eddie snapped. "did you see what that bastard was doing with my mother?"
"i did," the old woman said sadly. "it was wrong. but things are not always what they seem."
"mickey had been fired that afternoon. he'd slept through another shift, too drunk to wake up. he handled the news as he handled all bad news, by drinking more, and he was thick with whiskey by the time he reached your mother. he was begging for help. he wanted the job back. your father was working late. your mother was going to take mickey to him."
"mickey was coarse, but he was not evil. at that moment, he was lost, adrift, and what he did was an act of impulse. your father acted on impulse, too, and while his first impulse was to kill, his final impulse was to keep a man alive."

(because eddie's father was at his fifties and he did not have a healthy heart, his heart weakened from saving mickey and pneumonia took hold of him in time.)

"sometimes during the night in the hospital, your father awakened. he rose from his bed, staggered across the room, and found the strength to raise the window sash. he called your mother's name with what little voice he had, and he called yours, too, and your brother, Joe. and he called for mickey. at that moment, it seemed, his heart was spilling out, all the guilt and regret. perhaps he felt the light of death approaching. perhaps he only knew you were all out there somewhere, in the streets beneath his window. he bent over the ledge. the night was chilly. the wind and damp, in his state, were too much. he was dead before dawn."

ruby stepped toward him. "edward," she said softly. it was the first time she had called him by name. "learn this from me. holding anger is a poison. it eats you from inside. we think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. but hatred is a curved blade. and the harm we do, we do to ourselves."
"forgive, edward. forgive. do you remember the lightness you felt when you first arrived in heaven?"
eddie did. where is my pain?
"that's because no one is born with anger. and when we die, the soul is freed of it. but now, here, in order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did, and why you no longer need to feel it."
she touched his hand.
"you need to forgive your father."

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
Thursday, December 09, 2004 ; 9:45 PM

i feel like crap. just went to the doctor.. temperature's getting higher. and the doctor says my flu is quite contagious. :(

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
; 1:38 PM

i read the book again and again. and came across two other inspiring parts!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(eddie meets his second person in heaven. his captain in war. in war, his captain had shot eddie's leg in order for him to survive, and he lost his leg. his captain on the other hand, sacrificed his life for the soldiers. he walked ahead to ensure there were no dangers, and ended up stepping on a land mine.)

"sacrifice," the captain said. "you made one. i made one. we all make them. but you were angry with yours. you kept thinking about what you lost."
"you didn't get it. sacrifice is a part of life. it's supposed to be. it's not something to regret. it's something to aspire to. little sacrifices. big sacrifices. a mother works so her son can go to school. a daughter moves home to take care of her sick father. a man goes to war..."
"i didn't die for nothing. that night, we might have all driven over that land mine. then the four of us would have been gone."
eddie shook his head. "but you..." he lowered his voice. "you lost your life."
the captain smacked his tongue on his teeth. "that's the thing. sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you're not really losing it. you're just passing it on to someone else."
"i shot you, all right," he said, "and you lost something, but you gained something as well. you just don't know it yet. i gained something, too."
"what?"
"i got to keep my promise. i didn't leave you behind."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(eddie meets his fourth person in heaven, marguerite, his wife, who left him when she was 47, having a brain tumour.)

"you had to live without love for many years, didn't you?"
eddie said nothing.
"you felt that it was snatched away, that i left you too soon."
he lowered himself slowly. her lavender dress was spread before him.
"you did leave me too soon," he said.
"you were angry with me."
"no."
her eyes flashed.
"ok. yes."
"there was a reason to it all," she said.
"what reason?" he said. "how could there be a reason? you died. you were forty-seven. you were the best person any of us knew, and you died and you lost everything. and i lost everything. i lost the only woman i ever loved."
she took his hands. "no, you didn't. i was right here. and you loved me anyway.
"lost love is still love, eddie. it takes a different form, that's all. you can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. but when those sense weaken, another heightens. memory. memory becomes your partner. you nuture it. you hold it. you dance with it."
"life has to end," she said. "love doesn't."


xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
; 1:16 PM

i feel horrible. had flu a few days ago, then sore throat last night, then now, fever. great. postponed the outing with nic. ahh. i'm aching everywhere. :( i feel a sting in my throat whenever i swallow something. i can't breathe properly without the help of my mouth. yes i know.. i'm complaining.. hah.. feel like a camel or some horse. i've been drinking gallons of water since morning and visiting the loo every 10 mins! and i've lost my appetite. but the good thing is i lost 2 kg too. hah.

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
Wednesday, December 08, 2004 ; 6:01 PM

The five people you meet in heaven. great book. i was looking through it again and again.. quoted this whole chapter. it's inspirational and touching, really.


(eddie goes to heaven and meets his first person, the blue man.)

"Take a rainy sunday morning in july, in the late 1920s, on eddie's 7th birthday. take a moment when eddie's playing baseball and that ball flies over Eddie's head and out into the street. eddie, wearing tawny pants and a wool cap, chases after it, and runs in front of an automobile, a ford model A. the car screeches, veers, and just misses him. he shivers, exhales, gets the ball, and races back to his friends. the game soon ends and the children run to the arcade to play the erie digger machine, with its claw-like mechanism that picks up small toys.

now take that same story from a different angle. a man is behind the wheel of ford model A, which he has borrowed from a friend to practise his driving. the road is wet from the morning rain. suddenly, a baseball bounces across the street, and a boy comes racing after it. the driver slams on the brakes and yanks the wheel. the car skids, the tires screech.

the man somehow regains control, and the model A rolls on. the child has disappeared in the rearview mirror, but the man's body is still affected, thinking of how close he came to tragedy. the jolt of adrenaline has forced his heart to pump furiously and this heart is not a strong one and the pumping leaves him drained. the man feels dizzy and his head drops momentarily. his automobile nearly collides with another. the second driverhonks, the man veers again, spinning the wheel, pushing on the brake pedal. he skids along an avenue then turns down an alley. the impact smacks the man into the steering wheel. his forehead bleeds. he steps from the model A, sees the damage, then collapses onto the wet pavement. it is sunday morning, he alley is empty. he remains there, unnoticed, slumped against the side of the car.

take one story, viewed from two different angles. it is the same day, the same moment, but one angle ends happily, and the other ends badly. (the one who died in the car accident was the blue man.)

"please mister.." eddie pleaded. "i didn't know. believe me.. God help me, i didn't know."
the blue man nodded. "you couldn't know, you were too young."
eddie stepped back. he squared his body as if bracing for a fight.
"but now i gotta pay," he said.
"to pay?"
"for my sin. that's why i'm here, right? justice?"
the blue man smiled. "no, edward. you are here so i can teach you something. all the people you meet here have one thing to teach you."
eddie was skeptical. his fists stayed clenched.
"what?" he said.
"that there are no random acts. that we are all connected. that you can no more separate one life from another than you can separate a breeze from the wind."
eddie shook his head. "we were throwing a ball. it was my stupidity, running out there like that. why should you have to die on account for me? it ain't fair."
the blue man held out his hand. "fairness," he said, "does not govern life and death. if it did, no good person would ever die young."
"my funeral," the blue man said. "look at the mourners. some did not even know me well, yet they came. why? did you ever wonder? why people gather when others die? why people feel they should?"
"it is because the human spirit knows, deep down, that all lives intersect, that death doesn't just take someone, it misses someone else, and in the small distance between being taken and being missed, lives are changed."
"you say you should have died instead of me. but during my time on earth, people die instead of me, too. it happens every day. when lightning strikes a minute after you are gone, or an airplane crashes that you might have been on. when you colleague falls ill and you do not. we think such things are random. but there is a balance to it all. one withers, another grows. birth and death are part of a whole."
"i still don't understand.." eddie whispered. "what good came from your death?"
"you lived," the blue man answered.
"but we barely know each other. i might as well have been a stranger."
the blue man put his arms on eddie's shoulders. "strangers," the blue man said, "are just family you have yet to come to know."
"no life is a waste," the blue man said. "the only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone."


which is just so true. i just felt really inspired after reading that chapter.. now i know i shouldn't waste my time thinking i'm alone. :) alright my hand's aching after all the typing.

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
Tuesday, December 07, 2004 ; 1:06 PM

the weather's so chilly these few days. mann. and i think my sister's passed me her flu. oh great. this holiday is especially boring, and i think i know why. sigh.

"I'm tired of being what you want me to be, feeling so faithless, lost under the surface. Don't know what you're expecting of me, put under the pressure of walking in your shoes.. Every step that I take is another mistake to you.. I've become so numb I can't feel you there, I've become so tired so much more aware. I'm becoming this all I want to do is be more like me and be less like you.. Can't you see that you're smothering me, holding too tightly afraid to lose control? Cause everything that you thought I would be has fallen apart right in front of you.. And I know I may end up failing too, but I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you.."

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
Monday, December 06, 2004 ; 8:59 PM

went out with bestfriend yesterday to get her anni present for her guy. went shopping with my sister today.. how tiring! oh yes. there's this super cute eye-candy working in WH at great world city! mann. he joked around with me when i was returning him the clothes i've tried and i was like ohhh mannn sheesh sheesh sheesh!! x) hahaha. i should go to great world city more often. =X okay i know i know, i'm crazy. but he's real cute. he just has this manly attractive look!

(uploaded pictures. 051204.)

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
Saturday, December 04, 2004 ; 1:57 PM

oh great. due to last night's binge, i suffered indigestion. couldn't sleep properly cos i had the urge to puke out everything i ate. nothing seemed to digest after 4 hours since the binge! hah. but i'm fine now. though i've lost my appetite on everything. i'm still feeling so full when i havent eaten anything since morning (which is something that doesn't happen every other day).

had a weird dream last night. i dreamt that mr chan was leaving and wasn't gonna teach us anymore. and he made us answer a number of questions according to index numbers. i don't know what's the link between him leaving us and we answering questions - but oh nevermind. so abigail started first and the only question i remembered him asking in the dream was "do you like eating fish and chicken?" hahaha. like wadahell. what a crazy dream. my dreams always don't make sense!

anyway, i loveeee the song playing on the blog! :)

"Who makes the sun light up my shadows when the darkness tries to follow me? Who makes the air that brings me life so I can breathe the love that's given to me? You make everything good, everything wonderful. You grace my days and heaven fills my view. Let's forever sing. You make everything pure, everything beautiful, you make me see the only thing that's true... It's You.. It's You. Who makes the waters of my sorrow part and leads the gladness into my heart? Who makes the rivers run that wash away and clean my soul to make a new start? You make everything good, everything wonderful. You grace my days and heaven fills my view. Let's forever sing. You make everything pure, everything beautiful, you make me see the only thing that's true... It's You. You hung the moon; You placed the stars that shine your love for me. I hope all that I do will show reflections of you. All I do, all for you, shine your love through me. You make everything good, everything wonderful. You grace my days and heaven fills my view. Let's forever sing. You make everything pure, everything beautiful, you make me see the only thing that's true... It's You.. it's You.. it's You. You're everything pure and beautiful."

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________malaysia.
Friday, December 03, 2004 ; 10:55 PM

oh i just love the song playing on the blog.. by ashlee simpson - again. i just love her songs! dad drove us all to malaysia today. went to this big shopping mall and shopped for the whole afternoon. there weren't much nice things there compared to singapore though.. me and my sister realized that singapore's clothes are actually much .. nicer. and you can just faint seeing how the teens in malaysia dress. it's so common to see girls wearing boots and hotpink polkadots top with some awful looking long skirt.. my mom, sister, and i were having a hell good time laughing at them. okay, i know it's bad. bought a collar stripes top from u2. love it!

after the trip we went back to singapore. we headed to great world city and wanted to catch the movie Alexander but it was m18!! there were no other nice movies there so we had to go over to plaza sing. caught After the sunset instead. luckily it wasn't as bad as Before Sunset, that artsy film! and to think my sister actually told me that film was rated 5/5! i'd rate it 0/5! sheesh. anyway, back to that movie, it was awesome! wasn't looking forward to it until i watched it. funny and thrilling.

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
Thursday, December 02, 2004 ; 10:10 AM

"Everytime I try to make you smile, you're always feeling sorry for yourself. Everytime I try to make you laugh, you can't, you're too tough, you think you're loveless. Is that too much that I'm asking for? I thought you'd come around when I ignored you, so I thought you'd have the decency to change. But babe, I guess you didn't take that warning, cause I'm not about to look at your face again. Can't you see that you lie to yourself? You can't see the world through a mirror. It wont be too late when the smoke clears, cause I, I am still here. But everytime I try to make you smile, you'd always grow up feeling sorry for yourself.. Everytime I try to make you laugh, you stand like a stone, alone in your zone. Is it too much that I'm asking for? Can't find where i am, lying here alone I fear. Afraid of the dark, no one to claim, alone again."
-too much to ask, avril lavigne.

hohoho. i need a haircut badly.. most prob going malaysia tmr for shopping. yay! psst. taufik rocks!

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________TAUFIK!
Wednesday, December 01, 2004 ; 10:55 PM

OH YAY! OUR SG IDOL ROCKS!!! my 15 votes paid off after all! :)

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

_____________________
; 2:38 PM

VOTE FOR TAUFIK TONIGHT!!

(uploaded images. My hamster.)

xoxo -

Y Y Y Y Y

who?

JOANNA ng (: (: (:
18 December 1989
CHIJ Saint Joseph's Convent /4 Faith
Catholic Junior College /1T34
bluelitez@hotmail.com
solastsummerr@gmail.com


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