_____________________letting go..
Sunday, January 30, 2005 ; 6:52 PM
i quoted a few lines from a blog by someone called melissa i was reading.. well i'll give credits to her. hope this isn't plagiarism.. the words are comforting.
"Go ahead, cry for the next few days. But you must pick yourself up sooner or later. He does not love you anymore. Face it. Stop deluding yourself. Who is he trying to kid? He gave up because he didn't know how to make you happy?
Since he claims that he still loves you, he would do whatever it takes to see you smile, & not just bail when the going gets tough.
Nobody said breaking up is easy. Trust me my love, when this period is over, you'll realise how much stronger you've become. & I'll be here with you all the way. We'll all be.
Don't do anything foolish to hurt yourself.
He may feel guilty, but it will not make him love you again. He will only feel sorry for you. His presence is not going to make a difference since you're no longer in his heart."
so, so true. i'm glad i'm already thinking of you lesser.. though, i still can't totally get you off my mind. :(
glynis: i just found out i'm having tuition on vday! wadaheck! but we can celebrate all together another day yeah. hope you're feeling better.
joleen: hurhur. oh. i was figuring out if that's you cuz it was a pic of your friend and someone who didnt quite look like you. but thought why would you include a pic w/o you in it.
jaslyn: thanks, and i'm so looking forward to it too!
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________1st novena church visit.
Saturday, January 29, 2005 ; 8:43 PM
these few days' been really bad for alot of people.. me, and many of my friends. i hope this period of heartbreaks ends soon. sigh.
went to novena church today with bitch. i needed to go luhs. and for another consecutive 8 weeks too. saw ben and huiting in the bus, and regina and her gf walking on the streets. how coincidental! we planned to go for the 5pm service but reached late and went for the 6pm one instead. den went opposite to eat the famous prawn noodles! in the bus home we met a bunch of malay guys who started talking to us. freaky la! second time we experience it already. faints. oh, and quoted from one part of teens mag: "stop using your dating status as a barometer of your self-worth!" sounds familiar.
why do i still miss you. why do i still think that you're the one when everyone including your own school friends tell me you're not a good guy..? why do i still think of you and want you back.. why am i still telling myself to hold on? why am i so silly to even fall for you.. why am i still blogging about you when i've said i'll forget you.. sigh.
glynis: cheer up..! stay positive. you may not know what's gonna happen next time right?
jaslyn: yes yes! i hope i'll be able to.. i'm still so friggin mad.. pfft.
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________arghhhh!!! heartbreaker!
Friday, January 28, 2005 ; 11:32 PM
i'm so mad now i could kill everyone. i bet my screamings and rantings i did to toi on the phone are freaking my neighbours out. i hate you. what happened to our daily late night phone calls. what happened to your sweet smses. why must you do this to me again and again. it's not the first time doing this. not even the second, nor third. but the fourth. why again? isn't 3 times enough? how long do you want me to suffer. i don't even understand how you're feeling now. i'm so friggin pissed. just do me a favour to either never come back or come back promising me you're not gonna walk away. cus i'm too tired of your friggin i-feel-like-liking-you-den-i-will but-when-i'm-bored-already-den-i'll-leave attitude. i hope in time i'll learn to forget you. and i hope you really regret this.
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________pon school.
; 11:09 AM
didn't go to school today. was feeling kinda tired.
but not exactly sick luhs. heh.
changed the template. still half done.
will complete it soon.
anyway,
yesterday went with bitch to marina bay!
there was no one as usual and we lay on the rocks talking about things.
i so love that place and i've made it my yet another study hideout. :)
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________take it all away.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005 ; 7:41 PM
So much beauty in life,
shining on the outside, empty on the inside
I get lost sometimes
Blinded by the flashing lights, distractions always in my eyes
So i'm following the sound, the sound of my heart, beating..
You can take it all away, I don't need it
Underneath, i'll still be the same
You can take it all away, I don't need it, it's not me
You can take it all, take it all away
I'll still be the same
Are you hiding still?
Don't you want to love yourself?
Don't you know that someone will?
Time can turn it around, leave it all that's dribbled down
That's the only way to find it out
Are you following the sound, the sound of your heart? Beating..
Coming in with nothing, leaving with the same
It's all inside
Coming in with nothing, the only thing that saves
Is here inside..
You can take it all away, I don't need it
Underneath, i'll still be the same
You can take it all away, I don't need it, it's not me
You can take it all, take it all away
I'll still be the same..
((so i won't break down. no i won't give up, sooner than it seems life turns around. and i will be strong, even if it all goes wrong. when i'm standing in the dark i'll still believe that someone's watching over me..)) =]
:( ... grrr. sigh.. you bloody cow. i gotta
study study study study study.. distractions is the only thing that can put my mind outta all these.. :( i will pull through.. i will forget everything.. but i will still hate you for doing it to me. don't ever turn back cos i won't be there anymore.
jaslyn: yeah! it was silly but fun. we'll go shopping soon!
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________late for tuition AGAIN
Monday, January 24, 2005 ; 9:27 PM
tuition at bishan again. bitch came over after school first to study bio together.. having a test tmr. ended up slacking and talking instead! rahh! conclusion: never to study at home cuz there's distractions! anyway, we were late again, as usual! we left the house at 5.20 when tuition class starts at 5.30 la. funny. cabbed there and reached at 5.45.. when will we ever be early? hah.
jaslyn: decided to take it off. ahah. yeah! forever spending every cent. no matter how much we bring! haha. sheesh!
glynis: HI! :)
cheryl: huggies u too. ahah. =/
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________life like a marathon.
Saturday, January 22, 2005 ; 6:26 PM
my life's like a marathon today and yesterday.
yesterday, me and biatch finally had the first shopping spree for the year. we went to FIVE esprit shopping outlets (wisma, next to wheelock, next to mandarin hotel, great world city, and harbourfront!) just to find our tops. and I GOT THAT 69 BUCKED STRIPES ESPRIT TOP I WAS MENTIONING IN MY PREVOUS ENTRY. heh. i'm so happyyy. told ya i'd geddit. :D anyway, it wasn't an easy search for the top okay. we searched at the 3 outlets around town and my size was sold out at all places and the other sizes were humongous and i looked like i could swim just by being in it. jaslyn couldn't find the right colour. so we went fer our movie at lido at 5.20 first, which was
shall we dance.. and all of the sudden i feel like learning ballroom dancing. hoho. okay whatever. after movie, i was being nice to follow jaslyn to great world city to get her top.. okay, we negotiated. she was to follow me to harbourfront to get mine. haha. =/ i felt good after buying la. whole of singapore only left one of size 34 at harbourfront, and i got it!
today, went with family to the treetop walk at macritchie. the journey from the carpark to the treetop itself was super long and tiring and i walked all the way there just to realize i wasn't enjoying myself but clinging on to every handle at the sides and refusing to look down at the scenery. the bridge was shaking and we were approximately 100 metres above ground. yes i'm afraid of heights. mann! but the view was good luhs.
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________i can't wear contact lenses anymore!
Thursday, January 20, 2005 ; 9:48 PM
went to doctor with my red puffy eyes and he advised me not to wear my contact lenses anymore cos i was having conjunctivitis (swelling at the eye's first layer).. and said my eye's very sensitive and stuff.. and if i continued using contacts and keep scratching it the worse outcome that can happen is blindness! urgh!!
went to bf's house after school to see her hamsters.. damn cute too. den mom came to pick me up and we went to thompson plaza to get my specs. anyway, happy early hari raya to everyone! ;) can't wait for my shopping session tmr! american idol's starting already. ciaos.
Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
cos I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
So if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you
When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
cause even if you're wrong
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
And when the night falls on you
You're feeling all alone
You won't be on your own
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you.
(sweet song!)
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________banquet at south bridge road
Wednesday, January 19, 2005 ; 8:23 PM
i finally went to the quiet place i blogged about yesterday after school to study with nic and sham! it's a foodcourt,
banquet.. between clarke quay, chinatown, and little india. i still dont know where the place really is. but 80 goes there. at south bridge road. heh. its kinda quiet. unlike other food courts, there are like so few ppl there and the whole place is quite big. anyway i'm going to the doctor. about my eyes! i still wanna wear contact lenses!! :(... boo.. yes i can't wait for the shopping trip on friday! yay. i spotted a 69 bucks top in esprit, damn nice la! and i'm gonna coax my parents to geddit, just watch me. :D
okay mom's started the car. i'm off.
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________harbourfront.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005 ; 11:01 PM
arghhh! i swear i'm going mad from the amount of maths homework i'm getting!!! this year better pass quickly. i don't want to suffer so much. anyway, took bus 80 today with sham.. we wanted to study in the bus all the way to harbourfront but we ended up sleeping from the swaying of the bus, and another reason being we were obviously very tired alrdy. but i won't say i wasted this day cuz i found a really great place to study in the bus 80 route! yay. so we're going there tmr. ah yes. i need sleep now.. ciaos.
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________shopping with dad.
Sunday, January 16, 2005 ; 10:03 PM
went out with dad today.. went to chinatown with him first cuz he wanted to repair his luggauge rollers there or smth. den we went to bugis. and dad bought me a white handbag and silver heels at seiyu! yay.. i love it la.. and why does this have to happen only after the grooming course..!
#@^$%! hah. okay that's about all. till then..
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________heritage tour.
Friday, January 14, 2005 ; 7:39 PM
(uploaded;
heritage tour.)
had the heritage thingy today. it was kinda tiring considering the number of hours walking around and going up and down the bus. from 8am to 5.30pm. yawns. yesterday had the grooming thing. the best thing that happened was that i forgot to bring my cam! but nvm. me and toi were having a hard time walking on our heels at first. we looked like ducks waddling. hah.
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________cip!! karang guni.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005 ; 7:29 PM
being karang guni today was horrifying. the amount of clothes and newspapers the residents give us were horrendously huge. and the worse part was that we didn't have trolleys to carry them, only our hands. i'm so glad it's over. tomorrow's the office wear and grooming day. i'm not looking forward to it. boo!
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________school..
Tuesday, January 11, 2005 ; 8:07 PM
school's been alright so far.. coping well.. me and toi are actually really listening in chinese lesson now, like thats sucha bloody miracle! haha. okay nothing much.. my class and 2 other classes will be karang gunis tmr. boo. and the day after we'd be in office wear cos our crazy school wants to train us to groom properly for future and crazy stuffs like that. oh man! but i'm kinda looking forward to the grooming thing. lol. okay. nothing much. i'm off.
Let me be the one,
Holding you every night.
Sharing the smiles and tears you cry.
Let me be the one,
Loving you when you're weak.
For all of the strength you need,
You can come to me.
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________because you live
Sunday, January 09, 2005 ; 2:33 PM
Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart
It's the end of the world in my mind
Then your voice pulls me back like a wake up call
I've been looking for the answer somewhere
I couldn't see that it was right there
But now I know what I didn't know
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself
when nobody else can help
Because you live,
My world has twice as many stars in the sky
It's alright, I survived, I'm alive again
Cos of you, made it though every storm
What is life? what's the use if you're killing time?
I'm so glad I found an angel
Someone who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes
Because you live there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me always..
Because you live, I live, I live..
Jesse mccartney is SO hot.
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________new hamster! cheeboo!
Friday, January 07, 2005 ; 9:43 PM
(uploaded;
cheeboos!)
adeline ng is not as bad as i thought. haha, she's nice. and i didn't know she was only like what, 28 or 29. lol.
anyway, jaslyn and i went to bishan after school to pay for tuition fees deposit. went j8 after that and we binged like mad! and yay, I HAVE A NEW HAMSTERR. :D it's a girl again. the last time i had two gays, now i have two lesbians in my pet family. woo. it's beige colour! winter white. so bloody cute. and merely 3 weeks old. a size of a peanut. weee.. now chad chan's jealous i'm drawing all the attention to cheeboo tan. but naw i'm not gonna neglect chadchan! haven't decided whether to make changes in the new hamster's name, but because it was given to me by jaslyn as a very belated bday present (thanks you jaslyn!!), she wants me to name it by her, so- jaslyn cheeboo tan (sounds retarded, like some monkey). i only like the cheeboo part. lol. the best thing was that i took more than an hour choosing which hamster. =/
anyway, i met a freaky dog when i was walking home la. was carrying the new hamster in a carton box and the dog suddenly ran up to me and stared at me! i was so freaked out i didn't dare to move and we stared at each other for around 5 seconds. lol. you can imagine how stupid that looked. damn scary la, what if it ate up my hamster. poof.
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________i wanna be with you.
; 9:25 PM
I try but I can't seem to get myself to think of anything, but you.
Your breath on my face, your warm gentle kiss
i taste the truth, i taste the truth..
We know what I came here for, cos I won't ask for more
I wanna be with you, if only for a night
To be the one who's in your arms to hold you tight
I wanna be with you, there's nothing more to say
There's nothing else I want more than to feel this way.
I wanna be with you, yeah
So I'll hold this night like I would've if you were mine
To hold forevermore
And I'll savour each touch that
I wanted so much to feel before, feel before
How beautiful it is just to be like this
I wanna be with you
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________boring in school!
Thursday, January 06, 2005 ; 7:09 PM
okay so i don't really look forward to lessons in school now. lol. but i'm still trying to listen in class. :D today was boring anyway. we haven't really started yet.. physics is still thiru, fortunately! geog teacher's maria poi instead.. the stupid thing is, the timetable's not even out and we're gonna have the same periods again tomorrow! like what, physics, ss, emaths, geog, english, chinese, pc. bawwring. anyway we got our 2004 yearbooks and me and nic's hair look unusually big there. look so horrendous. haha.
went with nic and mag to cp and mag cut her hair at supercuts.. one haircut costs 26 bucks and their skills are nothing very much more outstanding than others charging even 10 bucks. ha. mag's frontview hair now looks like nic's old hairstyle and her backview looks identical to mine. lol. then mag came my house to mug again.. yup, that's about all.
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________lesson's starting!
Wednesday, January 05, 2005 ; 7:51 PM
lessons are finally starting tomorrow. it's freaky how much i'm looking forward to it. haha. no more rubbish talks in the hall and slacking in class doing nothing else but rot. it's just sucha waste of time la. we could've had spent the past 3 wasted days learning new chapters of our syllabus! okay i'm starting to sound scary, but really, i'm getting scared of the coming exams and all.. there's just so much to study. :(
oh yeah. joanna has changed. joanna wants to study and get good good grades for Os. joanna is not gonna slack anymore. :) went amk library with mag to study after school.. wasn't as fruitful as other times, maybe because of the distractions and noise at the cafe. anyway, thiru's not teaching my class physics anymore.. instead it's mr chris chang. boohoo! ss teacher's gonna be susie lee! yay. she's a good teacher.
anyway, there's emaths tmr.. which means we're gonna see adeline ng. yikes. yupyup. will update soon again. ciao.
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________first day of school..
Monday, January 03, 2005 ; 7:02 PM
first day of school was okay. heh. they pushed down the classes so there's 2 normal acad classes instead of 3 cos too many retained, so i'm in 4f instead of g.
went school and had to hear thousand and one talks. really, that's all we did today. but we're officially starting lessons on wed. our ft's mr tan again and co-ft's mr chan!!!! -BIG BIG GRINN- :D mr tan said there may be adjustments again.. but i like it this way! i hope it won't change. :D ms lim's not teaching us anymore! :( and mr tan's teaching us amaths, and adeline ng for emaths. shucks.
after school accompanied mag to town. she bought her
chinese vcds that cost 84 bucks i think. mann. and yes, CHINESE. very shocking. lol. i bought the billabong white and pink/brown stripes pencil case at wisma that i've been eyeing lately! yay! i love it la!
so many questions, i need an answer. two years later you're still on my mind;
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________school's reopening tmr.
Sunday, January 02, 2005 ; 8:05 PM
school's reopening tomorrow. i dunno whether to be happy or not. =/
back to those dreadful morning assemblies, attire problems, school books, and monday blues. sigh. i think my biological clock's already adjusted to the wake-up-at-12 noon-daily setting. :(
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________new year ton over!
Saturday, January 01, 2005 ; 8:21 AM
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
now in bestfriend's place. went to nat's house first with the others last night.. yeah la, did the usuals. ate and waited for the new year. but it was quite fun, with so many ppl around. we counted down two times la. cos the first wasn't accurate. damn funny. but ah wells. den headed to zelly's house. got a lift from toi's parents. same for adeline, beryl and bliss. was a really laughable ride there cos 5 ppl were squeezing at the backseat. okay. yeah. went to her house.. our bf tradition of sleepovers on new year. ahah. talked and crapped awhile before heading to bed. i kept complaining tired la, but ironically she turned in even earlier than me! 0.o lol. didn't sleep well last night. bahh.
okay, gotta run. bye.
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y