_____________________year-end reflection
Thursday, December 28, 2006 ; 9:50 PM
(:
the year end's coming. i can't believe year 2006 is almost over when the year still feels so fresh! and am starting to reflect on my life. it's scary how uncertain i am about the path i'm heading, how dark and gloomy it looks from where i stand, yet i see a peek of silver lining. the future's a blur to me.
i keep dwelling on the past and thinking of what-could-have-been. i keep asking myself why i hadn't pushed myself just a little harder on something, why i hadn't given more thought to a situation, why i didn't make another wiser decision, why i let the golden opportunity of ___(fill in the blanks) slip.
do i really know myself well? am i behaving to my fullest? is this all of me or am i simply putting on a facade?
who am i? what am i? what are my goals? what have i achieved? what are my strengths? what are my flaws? what is it that's missing in my life? what is it that's part of my life which i am not treasuring? what have i not moved on from the past? what am i like in the eyes of people? what's in store for me in the future?
there's so many questions but so few answers. life should be simple, yet why does it seem so complicated? or should i say, why do i make it sound so complicated? but there's so much for us to learn and remember through our journey, so much to laugh about, so much to cry about, so much to treasure, so much to accept, so much to hold on to, so much to let go of.
Life will always be unfulfilled for everyone in some ways or another, especially cos of our insatiable desires. Be it performing below expectations towards their goals, be it regretting from a hasty impulsive decision, be it receiving inadequate or no love from one you treasure alot, be it simply on bad luck, whatever. It all boils down to the same point; I doubt anyone can be fully satisfied in life.
How do people stay positive, then? guess they think of the good things they have in life and what they have that others don't. i'll have to say, the things that keep me going are definitely my friends, and probably partially, my family? they are the element of my happiness. they affect me, which in turns affects my perpective in life. but, on my own, i think i'm nothing. seems like i've no dreams nor goals, no strengths nor achievements. i feel so, so useless.
this year's probably one of my most enriching years which i've learnt the most lessons and values from. like they always say, "Remembering a past failure is one of the best ways to reach a new goal. Negative emotions associated with missed opportunities or a bad break-up reminds you of feelings you'd like to avoid this time round." so, definitely a year of pain and gain.
i really ought to set my new year resolutions soon.
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________here by me
Tuesday, December 26, 2006 ; 4:12 PM
And everything I had in this world, and all that I'll ever beIt could all fall down around me, just as long as I have you right here by me.
Y
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________NZ, birthday, clique chalet.
Saturday, December 23, 2006 ; 8:49 PM
13 days at newzealand were spent nicely. (: we travelled to almost 3/4 of NZ's towns already! we went free&easy w/o tour, so it was much more relaxing; then again it was very tiring for my dad cause we were normads moving from one town to another almost everyday. the things i'll remember clearly is trying the shotover jet (which was super fun and cost a bomb to sit it) at Queensland, World's longest flying fox (3.2km), being at the exact place where one of the LordOfTheRings scene was filmed, and seeing the now very cute & very endangered Kiwi which are said to be extinct by year 2015 :(!!!!
had the longest birthday ever, of 29hours. haha! cos i was still in Christchurch on my bday, and that NZ was 5 ahead of singapore time. (: spent 10 hours of it flying home. cos my seat's comp couldnt play movies back, i played the games instead and unknowingly spent 8 bloody hours non-stop playing pokemon gold! zomg! and i thought i had only played for like 2hrs. i ended up with a super stiff neck when we arrived in singapore.
the day after i got back, clique celebrated my bday! went over to nic's and it was like a surprise! it was in this shopping concept where i had to shop for what i like. haha damn cute. they got me the tannlines wallet and a retroprint dress plus little others! plus the yummy oreocheesecake etc. wohoh. i was a fat and happy girl.
went to lester's church event on thurs with the class clique. haha it's good to see em again after so long. missed half of the chalet and went only on the 2nd last day. Overdrive @ dxo had live bands playing. we all went to support sham's bro! day after, we checked out of the chalet and i met chrissy poo for a little shopping! wooooo.
Sing me something soft, sad & delicate; Or loud & out of key, sing me anything. We're glad for what we've got, done with what we've lost; Our whole lives laid out right in front of us.
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________new zealand!
Tuesday, December 05, 2006 ; 1:42 PM
(Jamie just told Landon she had incurable Leukemia and that her days are numbered.)
Jamie: I'm so sorry, i really should've told you sooner.
Landon: Nah I made you do too many things, i kept you out ... I...
Jamie: No no no, if anything you kept me healthy longer.
Landon: Are you scared?
Jamie: To death.. ?.. (Jamie smiles) Lighten up!
Landon: It's not funny.
Jamie: ... I'm scared of not being with you.
Landon: (Hugs) Oh baby that will never happen.
it's silly how i've not been unwell for 1000 years but i'm down with slight flu/fever on the day when i'm flying off. hah. sigh. anyways, walked around town with toi 2 days ago. got my windbreaker and stuff while she got her cap.. got her patrickstar & ben&jerry's cookie dough too! yesterday met bay in the evening, slacked around. seems like everyone's out of town!
omg 2 weeks out of the city! it'll be weird man.. i'll so miss everyone. the clique, the class..
okay flight's tonight. i'll be off sleeping with the sheep in the meadows and chasing cows. HAHA how loser. then again it sounds like fun. will be back to civilisation on the 18th evening. till then!..
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y
_____________________dayout with bay & lester
Saturday, December 02, 2006 ; 1:53 PM
outing with mom before meeting up with lester and bay yesterday! went shopping for lester's winter clothes cause he's going aussie today! by evening, he went off to church carolling practice while bay & i stayed at FEP. we caught Clap! Bboy competition outside FEP. it was quite an exciting performance seeing all the groups breakdance, especially when they start twirling their heads on the floor with their feet high above the ground! woohoooo. shopped abit before lester came to find us after his performance at about 10pm. going home was most fun. our feet were killing so we decided to take a cab. but dangs, fri night before-11 (midnight charge) cabs were hard to get! queued outside meritus mandarin where the queue was fairly short, but very few taxis! until about 10.50pm we quickly called for a cab instead cause we didn't wanna be in the mercy of midnight charge. hehe. cab came almost instantly! wheee. we made lester follow us back to our houses before going to his (despite him staying in town!). camwhored and sang xmas carols at the top of our voices. damn funny please. the uncle was surely enduring our gross voices. deep inside i bet he wanted the taxi ride to be over as soon as possible. LOL.
xoxo -
Y Y Y Y Y