_____________________
Thursday, June 02, 2005 ; 1:50 PM

this love has taken it's toll on me, she said goodbye too many times before.
i'll be emo in this entry but i DON'T CARE! so maybe i just wanna know what the hell have i done wrong. maybe i just wanna know if i'm not good enough for you. maybe i just wanna know if i've been pissing you off. maybe i just don't understand what you're thinking. so about your gal pals, so maybe they are more than just yer friends. and so maybe i get jealous easily. go ahead and call me a green-eyed monster. it's not fair! so maybe i'm just some dirt or dust to you. you played me and with your words, and actions, and i thought, hey, is this a sign? NO. you fucker you flirt you player you disgusting piece of nothing. fine, i might not mean every word of that sentence, but you hurt me and that's NOT right. i HATE this feeling of being cheated by someone whom i love so much. i HATE to know that i'm not your ONLY ONE. i HATE to know that i'm not someone special to you, but just like any of the rest. but i can't make myself let go. i can't. i like everything single thing about you. no one can ever be any better than you. but i HATE your guts! why do you always have to put me through this? why do i always have to let you put me through this? so i've to decipher for myself what the hell's coming up next and what the hell am i doing? thanks alot. see the many entries i've put up about you, see the many tears i've shed for you, see how much you mean to me! but you don't care a damn at all and this is not again another ending. i don't think i can move on yet. i don't know what i should do.
Nic: it doesn't matter, you know it doesn't to him.
yes. it doesn't matter to him if i'm hurting now or whatever. i don't wish to let you go, i just hope you'll finally realise i've always been the one there. will there ever be that day.. sigh. i wish i could just turn back time and hold on to that moment forever.

It's not that I can't live without you, it's just that I don't even want to try. Every night I dream about you, ever since the day we said goodbye. If I won't such a fool, right now I'd be holding you. There's nothing that I wouldn't do, baby if I only knew.. The words to say, the road to take, to find a way back to your heart.. What can I do to get to you and find a way back to your heart?.. I don't know how it got so crazy, but I'll do anything to set things right. Cos your love is so amazing, baby you're the best thing in my life.. Let me prove my love is real and make you feel the way I feel. I promise I would give the world, if only you would tell me. Give me one more chance, to give my love to you. Cos no one on this earth loves you like I do..
-the way back to your heart- bsb.

sigh.
letting go is harder than i thought, is harder than it used to be.

xoxo -

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