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Saturday, December 11, 2004 ; 10:10 AM
(eddie meets his third person, ruby. he had always hated his father for mistreating him, and for not giving him enough care and encouragement as his father. but later he learnt from ruby that his father's old friend, mickey, had been drinking too much because he had lost his job, and he was about to rape eddie's mom. his father saw it and was really angry, chasing after mickey, who ran away upon seeing him. he held a hammer in his hand and attempted to kill him. mickey then fell into the sea because of his drunkness, and eddie's father decided to save him instead, out of loyalty.)
"what was he
doing?" eddie whispered.
"saving a friend," ruby said.
eddie glared at her. "some friend. if i'd have known what he did, i'd have let his drunken hide drown."
"your father thought about that, too," the old woman said. "he had chased after mickey to hurt him, perhaps even to kill him. but in the end, he couldn't. he knew who mickey was. he knew his shortcomings. he knew he drank. he knew his judgement faltered."
"many years earlier, when your father was looking for work, it was mickey who went to the pier owner and vouched for him. when you were born, it was mickey who lent your parents what little money he had to help pay for the extra mouth to feed. your father took old friendships seriously-"
"hold on, lady," eddie snapped. "did you see what that bastard was doing with my mother?"
"i did," the old woman said sadly. "it was wrong. but things are not always what they seem."
"mickey had been fired that afternoon. he'd slept through another shift, too drunk to wake up. he handled the news as he handled all bad news, by drinking more, and he was thick with whiskey by the time he reached your mother. he was begging for help. he wanted the job back. your father was working late. your mother was going to take mickey to him."
"mickey was coarse, but he was not evil. at that moment, he was lost, adrift, and what he did was an act of impulse. your father acted on impulse, too, and while his first impulse was to kill, his final impulse was to keep a man alive."
(because eddie's father was at his fifties and he did not have a healthy heart, his heart weakened from saving mickey and pneumonia took hold of him in time.)
"sometimes during the night in the hospital, your father awakened. he rose from his bed, staggered across the room, and found the strength to raise the window sash. he called your mother's name with what little voice he had, and he called yours, too, and your brother, Joe. and he called for mickey. at that moment, it seemed, his heart was spilling out, all the guilt and regret. perhaps he felt the light of death approaching. perhaps he only knew you were all out there somewhere, in the streets beneath his window. he bent over the ledge. the night was chilly. the wind and damp, in his state, were too much. he was dead before dawn."
ruby stepped toward him. "edward," she said softly. it was the first time she had called him by name. "learn this from me.
holding anger is a poison. it eats you from inside. we think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. but hatred is a curved blade. and the harm we do, we do to ourselves."
"forgive, edward. forgive. do you remember the lightness you felt when you first arrived in heaven?"
eddie did.
where is my pain?
"that's because
no one is born with anger. and when we die, the soul is freed of it. but now, here, in order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did, and why you no longer need to feel it."
she touched his hand.
"you need to forgive your father."
xoxo -
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